Doctor Who's Janis Goblin's statement/rant on The Goblin Song's Christmas Number 1 bid

Virgin Radio

14 Dec 2023, 13:25

Goblin shenanigans and festive antics, Doctor Who's Janis Goblin throws hat in the ring for Christmas Number 1 with The Goblin Song, with some frosty fighting to go along with it.

As the race for the 2023 Official Christmas Number 1 kicks off this Friday, December 15, contenders are throwing themselves into the festive ring, campaigning with all the gusto of a Santa on a sugar rush. From Wham! releasing Last Christmas on CD for the first time to Sam Ryder's holiday bus escapades with The Sam-ta Grotto Bus, and Creator Universe boldly proclaiming I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday on every social media platform – it's promo madness out there.

But amidst the jingle bell cacophony, one unlikely contender is shaking up the festive scene – none other than Doctor Who's Janis Goblin, who has unleashed The Goblin Song upon the unsuspecting holiday charts. In a bid to claim the coveted Christmas Number 1 title, Janis Goblin, accompanied by a band of outer space goblins, has issued a statement on her festive assault.

The Goblin Song, a musical masterpiece concocted by show-runner Russell T Davies and orchestrated by Doctor Who composer Murray Gold, is set to be a highlight of the Christmas Day episode, The Church on Ruby Road.

In typical Doctor Who fashion, the song delves into outer space shenanigans, featuring Janis and her goblin comrades narrating their dubious plans for a kidnapped Earth baby.

Spoiler alert: it's nothing good. The chorus introduces the enigmatic Goblin King, who, it turns out, is more than just a myth – he's an actual thing!

The BBC, not one to miss out on the promotional fun, has treated fans to a special lyric video for The Goblin Song, complete with snippets of the Doctor and Ruby attempting a daring rescue mission of the abducted baby from the goblin's spaceship. Talk about festive drama!

Janis Goblin, never one to shy away from a Twitter rant, addressed her foolish human followers with a mix of gratitude and villainous charm.

In a tweet, she expressed her thanks, dripping with sarcasm: "Dear foolish humans. I'd like to thank you, with all the bile in my heart.

"I'm told all proceeds from the sale of The Goblin Song will go to Children in Need. Which means, more children for us to eat!

"That's very kind, I must say...what's that? It's not? They don't? Hmph. Then what do I say...? Ahem.

"Dear foolish humans, if you continue to support The Goblin Song, then I absolutely promise not to eat...oh to hell with that, pass me those twins. MUNCH!"

This wouldn't be the first time Doctor Who made its mark on the Official Singles Chart. Back in 1988, The Timelords, featuring KLF members Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, reached Number 1 with a novelty single. Could the goblins be the dark horse (or goblin) of this year's festive chart-topper?

While Wham!'s Last Christmas currently reigns supreme on the Official Singles Chart, the festive race is as unpredictable as Santa's gift choices. Classics like Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You and The Pogues ft. Kirsty MacColl's Fairytale of New York are aiming for chart glory, but the nefarious goblins and their sass-ified lead singer shouldn't be dismissed just yet.

The Official Christmas Number 1 race for 2023 officially kicks off on December 15, with sales and streams counted until the stroke of midnight on December 21. Brace yourselves for a festive showdown, where even the mischievous goblins might just take the sleigh for a spin.

Although, many are in agreement with Sam Ryder with who they think should win this Christmas chart battle.

Doctor Who's Christmas special The Church on Ruby Road airs Christmas Day on BBC One at 5.55pm. The Goblin Song is out now.