Kate Lawler bravely opens up about her postnatal depression and being a 'terrified' first-time mum

Virgin Radio

13 Mar 2022, 13:02

Our Kate Lawler has shared her emotional journey as a new mother and talked candidly about her hard experience with post natal depression and facing the daunting world as a parent to baby Noa.

The Virgin Radio DJ told Fabulous about her undiagnosed condition: “I remember rocking her, going: ‘Shush, shush.’ But you’re just like: ‘Oh my god, please. What can I do?’ The sound of a baby crying when you’re emotionally drained, when you haven’t slept and you already feel so depleted… you’re lacking energy and you’re hungry and you’re tired and your partner is sleeping next door and you’re thinking: ‘Oh my god, why am I doing this?’”

Kate advised. “In those moments with Noa where I’d been so desperate, so out of my mind, I can see why it’s so important that people have ways of asking for help.

“With depression, you think: ‘I don’t understand why I’m having these feelings when I have so much to be happy about. I’ve got a roof over my head and I’ve got a family and a partner who loves me and I’ve got my dogs and a job, and I’ve got a baby who’s healthy.’

“I think we’re seeing a shift towards women being more open and honest about their mental health postnatally. It’s important to have these conversations. I didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I want to normalise having postnatal depression or even just feeling low and like you’ve made a mistake or you regret having the baby, as it’s normal to feel like that. It’s really tough, parenting. I’ve never ever found it easy, even now that Noa has turned one.”

Having been perfectly happy previously being a 'doggie mum' with partner Boj, she shared: “If he never wanted children, we’d be happily child-free and we would have got another dog. It’s not like I met Boj and then just decided that was it [we will have a baby]. It took seven years of very uncomfortable and awkward conversations. Me trying to stand my ground and say: ‘Look, I was honest with you from the start. I don’t want children and I don’t want to get married.’

"But I guess when you fall in love and you know you’re with the right person, that’s what happens. You want to take your relationship to the next level and then [I was faced with] the reality of finding out that my egg reserve was low and I was hitting 40."

On the reality of being a working mum, she admitted: "I love that we live in a world now where women are told we can have it all. But at the same time, it’s really hard to do both. If you really want a career, like I did, I could have paid the price dearly by waiting [to have a baby] a bit too long.

“If I had tried and failed to get pregnant, I know that I would be telling people: ‘If you want a baby, try now.’ But I think because I was lucky enough to get pregnant, I’ll still champion being child-free for as long as you want to. Focus on your career, if it makes you happy."

Will there be a baby number two? She said about Noa: "She’s got the dogs and she’s got all her cousins. I’ve got my friends and their kids around us. She’s going to nursery soon. I have no worries that she’s going to be a lonely child. I think it’ll be good to just have one. I think it will save us.”

Listen to Kate Lawler on Virgin Radio UK, weekdays from 4-7pm, or catch up on-demand on the Virgin Radio App.